ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Randomize
