yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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