Tell her she can't have a vagina
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
