I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
