Do you still have your period?
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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