Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
