how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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