There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
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