Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize