oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
where are my eyebrows?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
