i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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