i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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