Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
