I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Randomize
