I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Randomize
