Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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