She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
