sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
