I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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