That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
