i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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