i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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