you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
