you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
