Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
