I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
