I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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