I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
