Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
