Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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