capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
