yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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