By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
