she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Those nachos came to me in a dream
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
