"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
