I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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