i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
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