You don't have asthma, your pregnant
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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