Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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