My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize