TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
