is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
