I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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