So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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