Swine flu. Run for my life!
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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