Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I forgot how hot balto sounded
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
