im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
