His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
