oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
