so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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