This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
