College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
